Let’s Read – The Lightning Thief – Chapter 8

We start off the chapter with Percy discussing his routine. First up is learning Greek. Woo for learning ancient Greek! I am all for anyone learning Greek! It is a wonderful if difficult language to pick up but well worth it.

Um…

So they are teaching him Homeric Greek? That’s an odd choice. I mean Attic is usual because you can go from there to any of the dialects including Homeric. (Note: Attic Greek is the dialect used in 5th century Athens that the vast majority of what we have is written in. Homeric is a subsection of Ionic Greek, specifically Archaic Ionic Greek)

And wait, I am deflated. No. Just No. He is not fucking reading Homer. I used to be able to keep a journal in Attic Greek and Homeric Greek while doable was still painful and a slog. Nope.

Also, wouldn’t the gods themselves be far more interested in Hesiod? Especially a camp full of demi-gods? It occurs to me Hesiod is far less well known than Homer and Our Dear Author probably didn’t think to look at important Greek works. Sigh.

Then he spends the rest of the day rotating thru various options trying to find out what he is good at, which isn’t much. It did end up with this sentence; “It was a little humiliating to be slower than a tree” which made me smile. He sucks at Archery, Foot racing, Wrestling, the only one he seems good at Is Canoeing. Funny That.

Percy comments that they don’t have any clue who his father could be, even though the only sport he is any good at in evolves water. It’s not that hard ya’ll. This also brings up an interesting point of the Gods being one note. Apollo’s kids are good at Archery, Hephaestus’s kids are good with metalwork, Nonsense like that. If, and this is a big If, I allow the Greek Gods are just one note caricatures then it is even MORE stupid they don’t pick up on Poseidon by now. The Naiads like him, He is good only where water is envolved…. POSEIDON!

Percy contemplates his life and his new existence in a very shallow kinda way. He is still debating how to get his mom back from the dead and I am still pretty sure she isn’t dead. Then there was an odd line about how he wishes his dad would summon a phone and call him.
It has been three days and now it is time for Percy’s sword lessons with Luke. We find out that none of the blades available fit Percy very well and then Luke partners up with him and wails on him. Then during a small break Percy pours water on himself and suddenly out of nowhere gets competent again and oh for fuck sake put the pieces together!!!

He manages to disarm Luke who was described as the greatest swordsman in the last 300 years and rather than being mad as Percy expects him to be, Luke think that is cool as hell. I like Luke. He is going to turn out to be evil isn’t he? I mean we have Grover and Annabeth as “The True Companions ™” Unless Luke takes over Grover’s place? I could roll with that. But he also has a face scar and I do not have enough faith in Dear Author’s writing to have that NOT be the sign of the villain. Hmmm we will see and will hope. Luke tries to get Percy to do it again, but Percy can’t and Luke wonders what Percy would do with a sword that fit him.

Nope, Scene cut and now he is Grover again. Pretty sure Luke is evil. Sigh. I still like him. Percy and Grover and hanging out by the lake after almost dying on the climbing wall (SO CLOSE) and watching the Naiads do underwater basket weaving.

Hey! Wait! Was that a legit joke?

So Grover Expounds upon Percy as I am semi-convinced Percy only exists to be expounded upon. We find out that the Artemis and Hera Cabins are just honorary. Okay, Thanks for that.

Damn it book Please just say it with me, just once!

HADES IS NOT EVIL!!!!!!!!

WW2 is described as a fight between Poseidon and Zeus kids and Hades kids with hades kids losing.

Which mean Hades is the father of the Nazis.

Fuck You, Book.

Do I even HAVE to go into why this is wrong? I mean I can, totally with great gusto, much spittle and if you give me a second probably a flip chart, but I think I am going to leave it at a Fuck You, Book.

Apparently after that the three brothers swore off mortal women On the River Styx (which we will come back to) and Zeus fell off the wagon and fathered a girl named Thaila. Hades got pissed and sent ALL the monsters after her. She almost made it to the camp and safety but had two other half bloods with her and she died to protect them and Zeus turned her into a pine tree.

So, This is bad Mythography. Swearing by the river Styx is an unbreakable oath. Not that it won’t be broken it is that it CAN’T be broken. It is why Zeus had to kill Semele. If he could have broken any oath sworn by the river Styx it would have been that one. Helios HAD to let Phaeton drive the sun because he swore by the river Styx. Once a oath is sworn by it that Oath must be fulfilled. If they swore by the River Styx then Zeus COULD NOT have an affair and sire child. Nor could Poseidon. Literally couldn’t. This is a core and non-negotiable tenet of Greek Mythology. So you fail book. Right here, Right now. You Fail at Myth.

I still have to keep going, don’t I?

I Do.

Sigh.

And Percy is going to go to the underworld to fetch St. Mom. Oh what a shock. Grover rejects the idea of Percy being one of the Sons of Chronos Scions because he doesn’t want to deal with it. Which at least is an honest reaction. And then we cut scene. I think Our Dear Author thinks this is foreshadowing rather than a lack of subtlety.

Now we get to capture the flag. Apparently it is Athena vs Ares with Alliances made so that Hermes and Apollo are on Athena’s side and everyone else is on Ares. I strongly get the impression that Our Dear Author never really paid attention passed the basics modern stereotypes of the gods as well as thinking they are one trick ponies.

Percy is sent on patrol and given a shield that is too heavy for him. Oh! They sent he to stand by the creek.

Hee Hee Hee

Annabeth has been paying attention!

As has Luke!

WOO!!!

So he is standing there and five of the cabin of Ares comes out and Clarissa has a sacred weapon that is a spear and apparently a taser. Okay that’s pretty cool.

They surrounding him and beat him up because they do and then in all of the stupid moments, they throw him in the creek.

*snort*

That’s not going to end well.

As soon as he is in the water his is of course uber-competent and beats the snot out of all of them while Luke and his team come running by with the banner and Clarissa exclaims it was a trick. To which I responded (Possibly out loud, I will neither confirm nor deny such accusations) “You fell for it, chicky.”

Percy’s side wins, the battle is called off and the sword cut Percy got while have the snot kicked out of him is gone.

POSIEDON!

POSIEDON!!!

POSIEDON!!!!!!!

Annabeth figures it out and gets a weird look on her face as she asks him to step out of the water.

Oh also she has a Yankees cap that turns her invisible but that was Hades thing, but we are almost done and by gods if I didn’t rage quit over the Nazi thing I am not gonna stop here. Anyway then there is glow and Chiron yelling in ancient Greek with Percy can totally understand, and he get mauled by a giant something. That is undescribed. But It is killed by arrows right before it would have killed Percy and he is pretty tore up. Annabeth tells Chiron to watch as she gets Percy to go stand in the creek again and as he is healing a glowing trident appeared over his head marking him as the of Poseidon.

Fucking Finally.

Thus end Chapter 8

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