Let’s Read – The Lightning Thief – Chapter 6

We start off the chapter with a poop joke. This isn’t going to go easy on me is it?  

As Chiron and Percy are walking away from the farm house, Something twitches a curtain on the top floor. Percy makes his perception check and asks Chiron about it. Chiron gives a wonderful rules lawyer answer of “Not a single living thing” and Percy seems to accept it. Silly boy.

Percy sees another Satyr who are acting as bodyguards/ camp counselors and really seem to me to be trying for a guardian angel thing when Percy asks after Grover and his punishment as he doesn’t want his friend? to end up in trouble because of him. We end up learning Grover has some sort of massive goal that Chiron thinks he isn’t up for but that it isn’t up to him, but to Dionysus and the Elder Satyrs. Hmmm. This could be interesting. 

There is another tap dance around Percy’s mother dying. Specifically stating “Your Mothers Fate” No one has said she is dead yet and that leave me very very suspicious.  We also learn that in this world Satyrs age at half the human rate… Sure. Okay. As long as they are immortal to boot I am down with that.

Well Done Percy!!!! He Noticed that no one had specifically said his mother died. Alas he uses this to bridge into questions about the underworld rather than just straight up asking about his mom. SO close. Chiron decides to go entirely deaf at this as he doesn’t want to talk about it.

They wander about as Percy gets a look at his new home. Then in the middle of the description of the cabins there is a wonderful comment about a giant ass fire pit being tended by a 9 year old girl. Hestia for the WIN! I don’t even care if it IS Hestia or Hestia got herself some and had a daughter. I am so happy either way.

Apparently there are twelve cabins for twelve Olympians, and I feel the need to gird my loins here. My Aggravation Sense is tingling.   1 and 2 or Zeus and Hera but no one stays there. Percy is thinking Mascots and I am thinking Progenitors. 3 is Poseidon, which are the empty ones. We are gonna loop back to this. All of the others are chalk full of people, and Number 5 is Ares as it is all blood red, splattery and fenced in and the kids there look all mean and stuff. This is the punk cabin apparently as “Rock Music” is blaring. I think I wanna go hang out with them.

Chiron mentions his kinsmen are all barbarians, so we are going with that variation of him rather than surprise bestiality. And he is about not because he is inherently immortal but because he asked to be a teacher for until Humanity didn’t need him any more.  Which is odd but okay. He does mention the job gets horrible depressing which Percy asks about and Chiron ignores and points out Annabeth.

Cabin 11 is apparently his. Chiron hands him over to Annabeth who is reading something in Greek though it takes him a hot minute to work out that it is Greek. Then he mentions that his cabin looks just like a regular old cabin except for the Caduceus. After a bit of twee about him remembering the word for the snake thing. You know I could roll with him knowing things like it is called a Caduceus if this didn’t happen RIGHT AFTER he failed something that should have been far more obvious.  Or to be honest If it didn’t have to have the Little Mermaid “What was that word again?” Nonesense. I hated it in the Little Mermaid and I hate it here.  I mean not many things LOOK like Greek. I seriously doubt this kid has seen much Cyrillic in his time which would be the next closest.

Percy meets the fellow campers who aren’t important enough to get names and it is announced that he is an “Undetermined” and everyone groans. An older kid of around 19 steps forward and gets a name, Luke, so he will be important and he states the blindingly obvious that this is the Cabin of Hermes and as the god of travelers this is were all the new people end up. And why in the seven hells didn’t Percy know that? He knows that Hermes staff is called a Caduceus but not that it belongs to Hermes? He also manages to remember Hermes is the God of Thieves but not the God of Travelers.  I am seriously starting to suspect Chiron is a Crap Teacher.

Percy some how flubs his introduction to the cabin and I am not sure for the life of me how other than it was stated. I feel like we missed a few sentences or Paragraphs or something in here. Annabeth hauls him out in disgust for some odd offence I have entirely missed. Then we get a small break.

So back to the 12 cabins for the 12 Olympians thing. There are a metric fuckton of other gods that should be kicking about. Where are their cabins? Where is the Helios Scary Golden Eyed Witches Cabin? Or the Eos Had An Oopsy In Her Sex Dungeon Cabin? Hell even the Oh My Gods Some One Was Willing To Sex Thanatos Cabin?  There are far too many interesting options here to just let stick to the Olympians. I mean think about it. What if Annabeth was a descendent of Medea? With all the Witch that entails? How could you have a chance to have a Circe/Medea/Pasiphae level teenage badass running about and NOT take it?

Also Zeus, Hera and Poseidon don’t have kids at the camp? HA! Poseidon won the pimp-daddy of the Nymphs competition and Zeus is worse than that in general. Hera? Sure, in myth she seems to respect her vows, but those two!?! Hells no. If we have Demi-Gods running about Zeus’s kids should be on equal footing with Apollos. And Apparently Ares had a bunch of kids he semi-abandoned? Nah man. Ares is allot of ucky useless things but all and all he has always been portrayed as a carrying and involved father whose entourage is made up almost entirely of his children.  Ares for all his faults, which are legion, almost killed another god because his daughter was raped. Something so common in Myth we had to add the “Not-A-Sex-Offender” Title of which ONE PERSON HAS WON! Nah man, Ares is hanging out with his kids, getting to know them personally and being supportive.

Back to the story which quickly devolves into Annabeth Exposition that isn’t really exposition but wants too be. I can’t tell if it isn’t because of Annabeth or Percy, but rather than giving us useful information that either explains the world, expounds on the characters or advances the plot, this does none of that. In fact come to think of it all of The Authors Exposition tends to be lacking somehow. Like he hasn’t quite got the hang of the idea yet but by the gods he is gonna keep trying to Exposition until he gets it right. They feel flat, and not just in a “This is Exposition” kind of way. Though to be fair that is not helping.

What we get out of the exchange is All Monsters reform and Chiron calls them Archetypes (growl, fuck Jung in the ear) and everyone is totally jealous of Percy the that he GOT to fight the Minotaur as that is what all of them are training for, to kill Monsters. Annabeth chides Percy for saying Fury which leads to a good line of “Is there anything we CAN say without it thundering?” in what I thought was a firmly justified exasperated tone. I want, as the reader to toss Percy a copy of any Greek myth book and give him a solid couple of hours to refresh. This getting pissy at him for not knowing things is aggravating. Especially when combined with the completely random ass shit he does know.

Annabeth beats it into Percy’s head that he is the son of a god and I really feel like this was already covered. Then she starts in on his background as proof and Nope. No No Nope.

Okay, Look book, I see what you are trying to get at. Percy’s brain and body are wired differently because he is a demi-god. Sure. But placing the emphasis on being kicked out of allot of schools and being diagnosed with Dyslexia and ADHD as the “Of Course!” reason is really stupid, damaging and potentially dangerous.

Poor Impulse Control and Dyslexia are signs of Neurological damage which can be treated thru medication and behavior modification thearpy. The kicker and really Damn it Book I hate you, is the random anti-medication message she tosses off. These things are DAMAGING to kids who might read this and need help.

Listen after YEARS of depression and Anxiety that just got worse and worse I finally thru the recent diagnoses of Fibromyalgia was given anti-depression medication that doubles as a nerve pain inhibitor and you know what? IT IS FUCKING AWESOME!!!! I listened for YEARS to people who told me that if I took anything for my mental health issues I wouldn’t be me, or that they just “distrusted” the whole concept of Psychiatric drugs because if you need to drugs to function properly then you are the problem. And they were totally utterly wrong. I absorbed all these small messages about how these particular class of drug is bad and it is your fault your brain is wired wrong, just try harder. After finally getting help I find that rather than being a completely different person I am still me, still creative to the extreme, still unhealthily excited by office supplies and collating, but now I am free to indulge in these things rather than fighting against a voice saying I am worthless and having to exist under a blanket of ug and the constant pressure of never knowing if today was going to be a day my brain was going to try to kill me. Instead I can plan, I can get shit done. Sorry about all of this but I am a convert on this, psychiatric drugs can help and telling someone who might need them, even sideways that “Of Course your teachers want you medicated. Most of them are monsters. They don’t want you seeing them for what they are” is so excessively unhelpful, if not down right dangerous. People internalize this message all the damn time, they don’t need it again in a Poorly Written Harry Potter Knock Off.

They also take this message and point out this happened “too most of the kids here”

Fuck You, Book.

Calming down.

Oh Look, apparently ambrosia and nectar are what they were feeding him and is poison to the Not-Divine. Sure.

Then before this information can sink in which I am guessing means we get to hear it again in a slightly different form because Percy is also a bit Thick even if no one is mentioning that, A daughter of Ares who gets a name, Clarisse, comes over to start some shit. She is obviously the bully of the camp and will Percys life a living hell as one of the those minor bosses he must defeat. Oh Fun. She also has a small entourage who don’t get names.

So Annabeth speaks Greek but without an Definite Articles, which Greek by the way adores. And Clarisse drags Percy of to dunk his head in a toilet.

Does this actually happen to anyone? That is a serious question. I mean I was bullied really hard in Middle school and nothing like that happened to me. It seems like something that only happens in literature, Movies and books, but I am willing to be educated if I am wrong.

Annabeth is told to stay out of it and it seems to hit her like a geas which is neat and she follows them to restrooming area. Clarisse insults him and shoves his face into the toilet when Percy does his command of water thing and douses everyone there in stagnate ucky water. Clarisse and her friends leave muttering to her self and Annabeth looks at him.

He says he can’t tell if she is disgusted or pissed off but we end the chapter with “I want you on my team”

And why isn’t that enough to go Ooops, Poseidon’s kid? I mean he just defeated a foe with water at his command and didn’t get a drop on him.  That’s what I would be thinking.

 Okay, no, *I* would be thinking, NEAT! A Water Mage! Can you do the water to wine trick!?! But that’s just me.

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