Let’s Read – The Lightning Thief- Chapter 5 Pt 2

We pick up with Percy walking around the Porch with Grover’s help as he is still a bit unsteady and woosey, which leads me to the question of how dead was he anyway? I am pretty sure he was dead again. You know lets start a count, Times Percy Should Have/Was Dead: 3

He is holding the Minotaur’s horn in his hand like he doesn’t ever plan on letting it go. Which is probably a very smart idea all things considering and I hope this gets turned into his signature weapon.  Or at least the handle of his signature weapon because that would be cool.

He starts commenting on what he can see.  He starts talking about Greek architecture and how new it looks and starts naming things. And…. Just… No. I know I am being really pedantic about this, but why/where/when would Percy, been kept in the dark about everything, incapable of sitting thru a class without hitting someone Percy have learned what an amphitheater is?  I think I would buy it more if he was struggling to name them, or doing equivalents of what they look like.  Especial considering he couldn’t identify a Satyr.  There is this weird thing where Percy is alternatively knowledgeable and completely an idiot and that puts us back at bad writing.

He describes other people about doing things and mentions people horse-back riding and that some of the horses have wings, but doesn’t mention the word Pegasus which reiterates the weirdness of his being able to identify architecture.  There was only ever one Pegasus, he is not a race and one of those maybe sentient monsters, but besides that, are we gonna to try to pretend that the 12 year old Percy never ever ran into a girl in the middle of obsessing about all things horse phase? That is about 9-12, he should have been inundated by folders of images of Pegasus and Unicorns, bad drawings on tests, it is a pretty ubiquitous thing in schools. It is odd he has never ever run into this.

He wanders over to 2 men playing cards with Blonde Girl watching them play leaning against the rail. Hey, just worked out the popcorn flavored pudding was Ambrosia, oh yeah he was at the very least Mostly Dead.

Percy starts describing the men at the table and doesn’t know Cherub, but knows how an open air-pavilion is supposed to look? That whole little thing was just too…. Forced and awkward. It is an attempt at Twee that fails miserably.  He goes on describing the guy, saying he is wearing a tiger print Hawaiian shirt and has the air of competent gambler about him and an alcoholic. Percy compares him to the guys who hang around Evil Stepfather ™ so we know Percy won’t like him.

Grover points out that is the camp director and high Mucky-muck. The girl is Annabelle who has been at the camp “longer than just about anybody” which sounds promising, and Chiron which Percy has already met. 

SIGH

Chiron tells Percy to pull up a chair and starts a game of pinochle. The Camp Director “Welcomes” Percy to the camp with a surprising amount of attitude and sends Annabeth off to check out Percy’s bunk and make sure it is all together. Then we get a description of her, a California beach bunny with intelligent piercing grey eyes. She notices the Minotaur Horn and Percy expects this random girl to praise him or hit on him or Ohhhh at him to which she calmly informs him he drools in his sleep.

Heh.

I think I might like her.

She runs away, literally runs, and Percy tries small talk again… which he is phenomenally bad at. But at least he is amusingly bad at it.  Chiron tells him to call him Chiron here and “Mr. D” who seems like an alcoholic cites the idea that there is power in names as a blow off.

Why? I meant we already know who he is and the true name thing is Egyptian, not Greek.  Or he is just being a douche.  Not sure what is going on here, considering no one else has hid their name.

Chiron explains that he went to scope out Percy once Grover noticed he existed as apparently Satyrs are sent out to hang out in schools looking for kids that might be Scions. You know what… Letting it go.

Chiron then goes on to explain that they contacted St. Mom about whether or not Percy was ready for Camp Half Blood…. Hey wait. Percy’s daddy wanted to send him to the camp at birth. What is this need to prove yourself to get in nonsense?  This feels weird. Then Percy gets a good boy for generally surviving and getting to the camp, but Chiron is still hitting the not impressed button pretty hard. Talk about mixed messages.  

“Mr. D” tells Grover to sit down so they can start their card game. And Grover gets very polite. The most important question gets asked which Is does Percy know how to play the game they are about to play. He does not and gets told to call the Camp Director Sir, which rubs Percy the wrong way and holy fuck it is call basic respect!

Screw Mr. D we are going with The Camp Director, who takes a potshot at Percy by intimating he isn’t civilized and I kinda like that as well. Chiron points out Percy can learn how to play and man do I want to know HOW he said that. I can think of about three different inflections that would entirely change what just happened there. I am really getting close to calling this badly written.

Percy starts asking questions as is his base state and admittedly he is better at than his attempts at small talk, until he asks one The Camp Director snorts at and would like the answer too as well which made me smile. Then The Camp Director starts dealing and Grover is not only respectful but terrified. You know what, I am totally down with the level of dread Grover is showing.

Chiron asks what Percy’s mother told him to which he responds nothing, which The Camp Director comments “ Typical, That’s how they usually get killed” DAMN I like him!

Then he explains to Percy how to bid impatiently after muttering that lovely bit of snark. The conversation resumes. Oh! We are going to get exposition! This should be unpleasant. So we will save it until next week so that I can properly rant.

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